My New York experience begins now

On the morning of my scheduled flight to New York:

• more snow comes pouring down into Ohio, and there's 2 inches of snow on the ground
• when I arrive at Cleveland Hopkins, there are SEAS of people, all queuing up [oops]
• Fortunately, I spot the self check-in counter [Yay!]
• I flash my still-wet boarding pass and wait at my plane's designated gate. They change the gate at the last minute. The jostling and hobbling road-race for the closest seats to the gate begins 50 feet away.
• The usual de-icing begins. I have spent 1 hour being stuck in a cramped seat with a low ceiling, and we still managed to do a decent imitation of a rock on the runway.
• Smooth flight [Surprise!]
• Smooth landing [Yay!]
• Surprise! There are no free gates at LaGuardia, and we have to do our rock imitation again.
• And again. An hour passes. What was supposed to be a 1 hour flight has turned into a 3 hour leg and back cramp.
• We get a gate!!! Aand, there's an airport vehicle stuck in the snow. And we wait.
• The vehicle stumbles off, and we wait. [humph!]
• The airport runway gate leeches to the flying sardine can, and we all huff our way off the plane, right into a bunch of sour-looking passengers hoping to get on the petulant aircraft. I hear kids behind me piping up with "Thank you for flying Continental Express and by the way, you've missed your connecting flights."
• As I pound my lonely way to the Ground Transportation area, I call to summon my reserved SuperShuttle ride to the hotel. And I wait.
• Hispanic gentlemen show up and cart away passengers.
• Eventually, my hispanic guy shows up, and ushers me into the van. I am immediately accosted by some guy's knee and have to scrunch all the way to the end of the Van-sofa in yet another cramped position.
• We careen our way [no kidding!] to my hotel, and I find that I absolutely have to step into a deep icy pothole in front of the hotel.
  

But! All is not lost! I have a room, and it's clean! and bathrooms are available!
This here's the view from the doorway - the turqoise thing is me bed.
And the view of the phone and 'desk' And the in-the-wall LCD TV. Note the "Which Toilets Are Free" indicators above the door.
And, lastly, the sink, and the closet.
This will be my nightly existence, where I lay my weary head and stinking feet, hiding from mythical New York hoodlums who prowl the streets in search of juicy, fresh, naive prey.